I grew up very insecure.
I grew up an only child with a single mother and we lived under the same roof as my grandparents.
I started primary school when I was 4. That’s when the bullying started.
I was bullied for being ‘ugly’, for being ‘fat’, and for not knowing who my dad was.
I only had one friend the whole time I was in that school, her and her family were my rock, and although we don’t speak anymore, I’m still grateful that I had her back then.
I didn’t have anywhere else I could escape to to avoid the bullying, besides my love of animals. I wasn’t allowed to have a pet back then, so anytime I saw any animal I just had to have a photo with it.
I did try my best to keep a big smile on my face, but it became apparent that I wasn’t the same happy child anymore.
At 9 years old, I had to change primary schools due to relentless bullying.
I still got teased by some of the older kids for being ‘ugly’ and ‘fat’.
When one of the older boys found out I didn’t have a dad he had a field day with it.
But then he got in trouble fori it.
Soon after, secondary school started.
Thankfully I had made a good group of friends, and I started to feel a lot happier than before. I was so glad the bullying had stopped.
But then it started again.
There was one main girl and two of her friends who had it out for me, even though I had never met them before.
I started volunteering at a dog and cat shelter to take my mind off it for a few hours a week, but then one of those girls started showing up a couple of months into it.
It caused me to stop volunteering at the shelter.
I never told on them. I didn’t want to be a snitch.
When we started third year, they just randomly left me alone. I never found out why but I was relieved.
Very unsatisfying ending to that, I know.
But at least it was over.
The one good thing I did have going for me as a teenager was that I had pretty clear skin. I guess I got lucky.
However, I never learnt how to do makeup.
An essential part of the secondary school experience is getting ready for and going out to teenage discos.
While my friends got ready and did their makeup, I sat on the bed and watched.
I was too scared of being bad at makeup and accidentally making myself look ‘uglier’, so I just left my face bare.
For the entirety of my time ‘going out’ in secondary school, I was the only girl who didn’t wear makeup.
I felt so embarrassed, but my fear of being bad at makeup outweighed the embarrassment, so I just put up with it.
I remember the first time I got my makeup professionally done. It was for my junior cert ball and I couldn’t believe that that was actually my face. It convinced me to take my first mirror selfie.
I decided to keep paying to get my makeup properly done for every ‘big night out’, such as for Band on the Strand, and my 18th birthday.
I took over 100 photos of myself at my 18th because I believed I’d never look or feel as good as that ever again.
Unfortunately, being on €7.14 an hour with 8 hours of work a week didn’t stretch very far, so after graduating from secondary school I stopped paying to get my makeup done.
This is, however, when having clear skin my entire life decided to come to an end.
I developed a bad case of hormonal acne around my chin area with the few occasional spots on my forehead.
For the first while, I tried hiding my chin behind my pets in every selfie I took.
It felt so embarrassing to have developed acne as an adult.
I’ve grown up a bit more now and although I do still struggle with managing my hormonal acne, I’m no longer ashamed or embarrassed by it, nor do I feel the need to hide it anymore.
I started college at 20 years old, and it wasn’t until a few months before turning 21 I decided to finally try doing my own makeup.
I wanted so badly to cover up my spots and rosey cheeks. I then decided I would be doing my own makeup for my 21st.
I didn’t book a makeup artist in advance so I’d have no backup plan to fall back on, so I was forced to make myself practice and learn.
I had spent so many years watching my friends do their makeup routines and my favourite influencers creating makeup tutorials that my first attempts honestly weren’t the worst.
I spent the entire month leading up to my 21st practicing base makeup, eye shadow and sticking on false eyelashes.
It took a lot of patience, practice and trying out new techniques to find what worked for me. But on my 21st birthday, I did my own makeup.
I had on way too much bronzer and the tiniest strip lashes on earth, but I was so proud of myself.
It filled me with the confidence to continue doing makeup on myself.
Looking back on my first couple of makeup looks, they really aren’t great, but finally getting over my fear and being able to
actually do my own makeup filled me with so much pride and a new found wave of confidence that I didn’t care at all.
It led me to start trying out more ‘fun makeup’. For halloween 2024, I tried out green eyeshadow and also the trending (at the time) ‘leopard print’ makeup.
I also tried recreating famous drag queen Trixie Mattel’s iconic makeup look and I had a lot of fun doing it, despite it looking like a hot mess due to my lack of proper products.
My skills grew after consistently practicing my makeup looks every weekend, and I am now very confident in my makeup skills.
There’s a start contrast from my makeup now compared to 2024, and I’m very proud of it.
I also pushed my skills for ‘fun makeup’ to the limit when I decided to dress up as Marge Simpson for Halloween 2025, painting myself completely yellow
and then having to learn how to adjust what colours I’d use for my bronzer/blush etc. to compliment and look natural on the yellow base.
Perfecting my makeup skills has filled me with so much confidence, not because I’m trying to hide my real skin behind it like a mask,
but because I now do it purely for the love of the game. I love doing my makeup. It makes me feel relaxed and happy to spend time trying out new looks on my face.
I’m so glad I learnt how to do makeup when I did, as I don’t think I’d be as confident in myself without it if I never learnt how to do it.
When you grow up constantly hearing mean things about yourself, you start believing them.
I truely believed I was beyond ugly as a child and well into my teens, but while going through my old photos for this blog, I just felt so sad for little me.
If I could go back in time I’d give her the biggest hug and apologise for believing that everything the other kids said about me were true.
I’m so lucky to have had amazing friends to help me throughout everything, and for discovering my love of makeup which fills me with so much joy.
If you take anything away with you from our magazine, please let it be this:
Please be e kind and respectful to everyone you meet, for you never know what they could be going through.
- Grace x